Summer Events!

This past summer was eventful. Not in terms of things that one plans and lives but rather in terms of situations that one has little control over, situations that come with time and bring along the happiness and misery associated with them.
Started my new job in early June and obviously it was not all rainbows and sunshine that I had hoped it to be. Sometimes I wonder if it is really I who is extremely optimistic about things and expect unrealistically positive outcomes off of a situation or is it more general. The thing is that if a person starts embracing the possibilities of negative outcomes and let them overshadow his/her mindset then there will be a sense of reluctance at performing the task. Hence, they will not be able to give their hundred percent and thus escalating the possibility of negative outcome. It is almost like setting oneself up for failure. Obviously that does not mean that one should make senseless decisions and expect it to workout for the best. It just means that when a venture is undertaken (after extensive deliberation) one should always look on the bright side and hope for the best and leave all the negative "what ifs" to "I hope not".
I have acquired quite extensive knowledge at this recent job. Its a whole new world and a  whole new experience. I am not sure if I want to stick around this job for too long though. Its more physically challenging and demanding instead of mental. I feel that longer I stay at this job the smaller box i trap myself into and I will never be able to escape. I guess I am still not ready to settle.
This job brought along great financial security, however now that I have that I am not sure about how to invest and where to go from here. I am so reluctant at even the thought of buying a car let alone the idea of putting my money in stock market. Still an area to grow in and be comfortable.
These days are just full of me holding my breathe and hoping I succeed to a point where I have no doubts about what my future is going to be..

New Start

New Start!!!!
Switching jobs in a couple of weeks. I love the job I currently have even though it doesn't pay as well but I know I got to move on, I have to explore and I have to grow. I think I should not settle for a job just because it is easy and I love the people around. I think that I should continue exploring, take chances/risks and keep moving on up. Hopefully the new job is all that I have thought it be and I love it as much as I love my current job.
I am excited, pumped, anxious and a little scared, but hey, I need to keep moving and I am just not ready to settle yet.

Time wasted? or Well spent?

Man its been long since I last typed anything here but "I am BAK"!
Anyways, I spent couple hours on imgfave today and I haven't done that for almost couple years. It felt so good to be content and smiling again. The heart break and dealing with my EXs has been quite overwhelming. Also, not to forget the job hunt after graduation and the trouble it brought along with itself.
Its interesting how we can justify the time we spent on an activity as either wasted or well spent. When I started this post I typed "I wasted couple hours on Imgfave" but then I remembered a quote,
"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time" - John Lennon
Its very true.. I have known this quote for quite sometime and have appreciated it but the moment it becomes applicable to yourself, its a new sense of appreciation.

Is it necessary?

Is it really necessary to make your own mistakes? Is it really worth it?
If you look at a person acting a certain way and you do not think positively about that action then why would you not take lesson out of it? Why would you want to experience it for yourself?
I recall an incident from my childhood when I was about 9-10 years of age and I was taking a walk with my dad. We saw a car rush by splashing water from a puddle all over the sidewalk. I made a comment about how inconsiderate the guy was to act like that and my dad said, "if you speak like that about him, would you not want to refrain from doing the same thing?" I treasure that moment for life and it taught me the most valuable lesson.

I could understand that mindset when a person is in his teens, unaware of the surrounding world and is not fully aware of the consequences. However, this mentality of "make your OWN mistakes" makes little sense to me when a person is over his teen years. Does it not defeat the whole argument of learning from mistakes of others? I mean, is that not one of the most compelling argument for studying History?
Makes me feel how people, special young minds, have biases in certain areas of life. A principle is applicable to one aspect and considered ridiculous in others.
I recognize the notion of individualism and how one each one has his own set of principles, morals and beliefs but these principles just need to be universal, atleast to a person himself. 

Is she the one?

I think I have conjured enough courage to face the fact that M is not the one who is meant to be for me. I love her but I guess as everyone puts it, its only attachment. The hope and expectations that I have for our relationship are impractical to a great degree. I want her to be someone she is not. I want her to understand me, and care for what I think and how I feel about things, but it is not part of her personality to be that way. She wants someone who is laid back (takes her inadequacies in relationship and doesn't reciprocate them). I am not that person. So it is a lose lose situation for both of US!
She can't give me what I want and I can't give her what she wants. THEN WHY THE HELL ARE WE STILL "TRYING"?!

Man if this is love, this better be good. Cause I don't want to take this anymore.

Mocking Bird

Mocking Bird (Rob Thomas)

Brilliant!
Emphasize on the line..
"I don't wanna love you now, if you'll leave someday,
I dont wanna turn around, if you'll just walk away"

In my relationship, I have turned around quite a few times, hoping that M will change her ways, however I met disappointment. I was never this person who would look back or reconsider his decisions, but I have made exception for M, it better give me something good.
I don't wanna stay, if i she can't assure the security of being with me for GOOD!

Brilliant song, very relevant and amazing lyrics. LOVE ROB'S MUSIC!

Precious words!

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/bob-marley-Copy.jpg
"She loves you today, so what else matters"
"She has given you a part of herself that you can break: her heart"
BEAUTIFUL!!

I have believed in this for the longest time and is the probable explanation why I have stuck around M for so long. We have ample of problems in our relation and we still are not where we ought to be, but I feel like (as I always do) we are making progress towards it. I am not sure where this optimistic point of view is going to lead me in the long run. However, I am willing to take the risk, for I believe M to be a beautiful part of my life and I want to give it my all.

Similarities.. Not always pleasant!

A Tree grows in Brooklyn-"'We're too much alike to understand each other because we don't even understand our own selves. Papa and I were two different persons and we understood each other. Mama understands Neeley because he's different from her."
Slightly different than what was between me and M but more or less the same. M and I are similar to a great extent, and I understand how she feel about things. The only problem is, how I should respond to them. When I feel those things, I tell myself to just suck it up, it's life and it's going to be this way. Not the most comforting and kind words that M would ever want to hear. However, I try my level best to comfort her but apparently i am not good enough for her comfort level.

M understands herself pretty well but she fails to apply that understanding to other people. She knows how she feel about things but refuses to believe that other people could possibly feel the same thing as her. It is hardly ever since winter break that i saw her trying to understand my stand point.

Positivity of hatred!

Hatred could possibly bring something nice in some peoples life. M and my ex actually bonded over hating me :( .. A strange word and strong emotion it is, yet it is one of the most common words used in today's world